Journal / Monday, February 26th, 2018

I am stuck. I don’t quite know why. I get overwhelmed easily. My best friend says it’s a trauma thing. I’d like to know more about that.

I’ve written an entire first draft of my memoir, but it’s been sitting for more than a year, and I still can’t seem to get the courage, or gumption, or something, to touch it: either to write new material, or to revise the material I’ve written.

A little more than a week ago, I decided to take a break from Facebook. Since then, I’ve realized I made Facebook one of the main focuses of my energy: posting encouraging things, reading articles, trying to “solve” political problems and help all my friends talk to each other and get along. Now that I’m not on Facebook, you’d think I would have more time, but instead I just seem to have shifted my attention to Words With Friends and Plants Vs. Zombies and the occasional book. I’m not even catching up on paying the medical bills or sorting the papers (my son brings home a lot of papers!).

I don’t want to journal. I’m sick of the inside of my own head.

I’m going this blog can help me get unstuck. I’m dubious, especially today. I’m feeling pretty down. It’s grey and rainy and hard to get out of my house. I’m going to therapy, which seems even more pointless than usual since I feel like I should be “fixed” by now.

I’m having a midlife crisis, I think. But it seems to be going on an awfully long time.

So there I am. Not an inspiring first post, but it’s where I’m starting.

One Reply to “Stuck”

  1. So glad you started a blog to share! I feel variably stuck in my life about a whole host of things. Never unstuck about everything all at once. I’ve slowly been teaching myself that I am OK with this. I can’t ever be perfect. It is hard not to beat myself up though… and YES….. SO. MANY. PAPERS! hugs

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